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Dear Bob Bearpark

Dear Bob Bearpark,

Its been 22 years since you departed this world.

I wanted you to know. You are missed by so many. Most especially the players you coached, the coaches you influenced, by Leslie Wilson, by Tony Waiters, myself and of course the awesomeness of your beloved wife Sharon. Two decades on it is breathtaking for me to experience Sharon's unrelenting support and understanding of my life and myself as a person during this very difficult period. I remember the car ride in 1988 as if it was yesterday, when you shared your thoughts on Sharon. Of course you might as well have been talking Chinese such was my clumsiness and awkwardness with those sorts of things. Two decades on I now appreciate how the universe conspired so positively to bring you both together. She is an amazing individual - everything you said she was. Intelligent, smart, compassionate, humane, savvy, thoughtful, honest and resilient. The very same traits you yourself displayed.

Below is an email I have sent to her. I am sure you are up to speed with what has transpired and knowing you, you will be gutted by the absurdity of it all.

Bob, I am so sorry I was not able to attend your memorial service celebrating your life back in 1996. Even more so I am sorry I did not get to say thank you for all that you did for me as a person and as a soccer player. You are the single biggest reason I played for the Canadian national team. I loved listening to you as a lecturer and as a coach. You had that wonderful captivating charisma which would grip the audience in any room. You had presence. A great sense of humor. A sparkle in your eye. Above all you had pure class in how you dealt with all those who came within your presence. You were honest and compassionate to a fault.

I learned so much from you and have often wished I could have drawn upon your counsel over the past two decades. Even in your absence however, you still found a way to assist through Sharon. I thank you for all that you are Bob Bearpark and wish you well in the place we are all a blink of an eye from.

Paul James

Hello Sharon,

Thank you for your kind and as always thoughtful email. I did not block your communications which I knew you would take positive advantage of. You and two other persons (outside of the country) are the only people I can communicate with moving forward.

As always you are eloquent and thoughtful in your email message. I add these "words" to your analysis: Ego, Money, Power, Bad Politics, Unethical, Immoral, Bullying, Intimidation, Collusion.

Also, while the "mechanical systems" that exist are as you say not human they nevertheless are created and run by humans and therefore deference to them from the other side is an unsustainable excuse, which they nevertheless use far too often when they get themselves into a jam.

Sharon, based on my ideology and thoughts on this matter, I am in a No Way Out circumstance as a consequence of the pitiful/brutal handling of the Paul James matter since 2008. The Toronto Star article was the end of the line for me - hence my willingness to get so thin on the last hunger strike which even then the other side tried to control through YouTube. It is my estimation that the delivery and intent of the Toronto Star piece and those culpable - Mary Ormsby, Adam Vaughan, York University, Bob Rae et al - will live on in infamy as a representation of how far Canada as a nation has deteriorated. It was pure greed and evil that assembled, coordinated, and delivered the abuse it delivered.

In regards to my 'frame of mind'? It is, like any soldiers for the task at hand, fine.

It is also what it is to Confront the Stigma of Drug Addiction in that as soon as I say, write or do something which is aggrieved by others the mental illness card is delivered even euphemistically in the form of "poor frame of mind". I do not accept this but I do understand it.

In their quiet moments opponents (Adam Vaughan, Bob Rae, Maureen Armstrong, the Prime Minister, York University, Canada Soccer, Jenn Myers, Shelia Forshaw, JP Savage, Pat Santini, Mary Ormsby, Anne Marie Owens, Bree Carr-Harris, Jamie al....etc) know that they are so very wrong and macabre with their handling of this matter. That is for them to reconcile. Not for me.

Finally, it was never just about the mental health disability. That was just a mere part of a far bigger more significant picture. Deliberate social injustice(s); refusal to abide by any ethical or moral code of conduct; extraordinary abuse of power displayed most specifically by the Liberal Party, York University, Adam Vaughan, Bob Rae and the Canadian media; an appalling judicial process, and a total disregard for the sanctity of a persons human rights and right to privacy.

I love the Paul James supporters for the support they have displayed. They will be rewarded one day. It is part and parcel of the process for them to not fully understand the Paul J. James story. Who am I to have expected them to fully read, comprehend and understand the uniqueness of the circumstance. While it remains invisible to them, one day it will be delivered in the manner it should be. Truthfully.

Again Sharon, thank you for the brilliant support and understanding you have given to me always.

Kindest regards,

Paul James

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