And so I'm finally lying down in my alcove. Its 2am...ish on Monday November 12. A guy walks by dressed in blankets covering his head. He has a flask of whiskey which he offers. I politely say no thank you. He was a nice enough guy. Better not to trust anyone in this environment.
I begin to reflect on the past 36 hours as I close my eyes.
Well I'm still breathing. A few hours earlier I said goodbye to Frank Woods after his "world-wind" trip to Toronto from Victoria, BC. I think about Frank. A great guy. Like Tony Waiters, Les Wilson, Sharon Bearpark, Randy Samuel, Kevin Tierney and others who coordinated the trip he genuinely cares.
He cares about Paul James that is for sure.
More importantly he cares about the significance of the matter and implications for the greater good of all Canadian citizens. Frank was the right person. He has the unique ability to empathize. He listened. Listened again. Then again. And asked the right questions without infringing on my dignity and privacy. Class personified. He treated me with dignity and respect from the first minute. No heirs or graces, no agenda. I think of Basil Fawlty. In Canada, "We should should have him stuffed". He even understood my willingness to pay the ultimate price. As best he could that is.
My thoughts think about the millennial age group and how Franks approach was so similar. It was genuine and not manufactured. I think maybe there is hope in the future and that perhaps Canada has done something very well with the younger age groups.
Problem for Frank though. He is also smart. Perceptive. He knows it is too late. My mind is made up and no amount of money or level of apology will make a difference. I just wont give a date moving forward this time, aside from saying it is imminent.
The abuse is still ongoing. Perhaps more subtle in some areas but its still there and it mainly emanates as it has for the past 7 years from the other side. Now in the form that I'm being so selfish and to do away with my magic carpet rides. Nice one. I manage PJ to calm down after that thought.
While I have continued anxiety from my circumstances and decision to give up my life as the last resort in search for Truth the other side are still playing what can only be considered "sadistic games" under the circumstances. Through their minions they are still scapegoating Paul James at seemingly every turn.
All of a sudden I feel like I'm addressing an audience.
"The over riding lesson for York University, Canada Soccer, the Canadian Judiciary, the Canadian media, the Canadian Parliament, the Canadian Government our honorable Prime Minister is that you can never treat any other Canadian citizen in the manner you have here. Its beyond repulsive. Six years through the Canadian judiciary. Nine very public and excruciatingly painful hunger strikes. Appeals from top persons around the country and world. I've been followed. My emails have been hacked. I've been photographed and video taped. My privacy has been obliterated. Defamed, slandered et al. All this and more and that without even considering the issue itself. The stigmatization and discrimination of my life for a decade and the consequential abuse from all levels of society. Canada. Time to mature as a nation. Be better than what we currently display. We have huge advantages over most other nations but we under perform and under achieve when we should be global leaders. And that includes, specifically, with the mental health of our citizens".
I think about my tool box and how that if Frank and Co. had not taken the time to "travel" I would have been blended into nothingness. I address the audience again,
"There are no words. An over used cliche but most appropriate for this circumstance. Every Canadian institution whom we should hold in high regard has deliberately failed including Canada Soccer who should not be hosting a World Cup in 8 years time based on their unsavory corrupt role in the Paul James human rights matter. All institutions have once again have been dreadfully irresponsible and extraordinarily selfish. Not one attempt to reconcile the matter, the improprieties, the institutional collusion, the corruption, the extraordinary defamation. Instead it is, using legalese, patently reasonable to conclude, they all had their fingers crossed hoping I would not exist by now. How therefore can I respect this country we call Canada?
The establishment and their enablers of injustice (including the Canadian Press' Colin Perkel) cannot have it both ways. They, including Bob Rae, cannot call me suicidal or mentally ill and then when they have an opportunity to put their money where their mouth is, they willfully fail. If I were mentally ill and suicidal they have no argument for not getting assistance for, at a bare minimum, an assessment. They did not because they know I am not and they don't want my circumstances documented in another arena of officialdom.
I am a normal person fighting for a social justice cause the juggernaut of whose stigma is impenetrable without something beyond significant. Giving a life for the greater good - just like soldier's in a war. It is the most realistic chance of gaining the truth, accessing justice - even if it is posthumously - holding those accountable and making positive societal change. Any alternative strategy is naive to the inadequacy of the Canadian system and the apparent greed and selfishness of the power and wealth. Delayed justice is denied justice and the social, psychological, and physical damage delivered as a consequence is appalling. Never ending".
A scene from band of brothers arrives and penetrates my mind. Its D-Day in the second world war. Soldiers are about to be released onto the beech. I feel like the ones in the front row who are puking and shaking from their impending fate. Gate drops. Bullets fly.
My mind floats to 2013 and the first HRTO ruling on the Paul James Human Rights claim - that being at the preliminary level. The adjudicator Paul Aterman in bad faith, inappropriately and without any accommodation for my disability dismissed the file. Failure to not have done so would have exposed York University's LIE which was determinative of discrimination. The system didn't want that and so the institutional collusion kicked in. And it has been merciless ever since.
My eyes open.
Still deep in thought. In making the decision, Aterman ignored Respondent counsels correctly submitted "Apotex Case Law" which required my submitted medical evidence to INDICATE that the Applicant could not have filed within the one year delay.
I think of the immaculately ethical Linda Perlis who wrote a brilliant letter as the medical evidence on my behalf which clearly indicated beyond any reasonable doubt that I could not have submitted a human rights claim in 2010. What a kind lady she was to give both Ashley and I counselling at separate times and in my instance pro-bono.
"Speaking" to an imaginary crowd and jury again,
"Adjudicator Aterman though, rather that accept the evidence, instead manipulated that the "Linda Perlis" evidence needed to be EXPLICIT. It was deliberately wrong and extremely harmful for future human rights claims before the courts. It also brings the whole legal system into disrepute when decisions of the courts lack such obvious integrity. Linda Perlis or any other medical personnel cannot legitimately write in such an explicit way".
I think of the damage of the past 6 years since his decision before I get back to the audience.
"There is no blood test which will explicitly inform the reader 100 per cent that a person is going to give up their life. Just like there is no blood test that will explicitly confirm whether a person could have filed a human rights claim within a 12 month period. The best medical personnel can do is indicate something in their writings which permits the assessor of the file to then consider social intersecting factors. Like for example the fact during this same period of not being able to file my human rights claim I also was unable for three straight years to file my taxes which would have brought Ashley and I $18,000 in tax refunds. And this before we consider the devastating impact of stigma and particularly self-stigma which because of the adjudicators manipulation of the evidence he then justified completely ignoring the social phenomena".
As I feel a chill and shiver I continue my thoughts.
Aterman, then others through the Canadian judiciary made a complete mockery of my life and need for swift justice. I could have resurrected the passion in my life. A desperate need for PJ my chimp. Instead I'm in this foreign world trying get out. I think of PJ. And how he has been absolutely fantastic over the past two years in fighting and protecting me. I feel at times I have let him down by being weak but he has never let me down. He gets somethings wrong but they have always been correctable.
Bob Rae's voice resonates in my head. "You have been treated very very badly. I disagree with York's and the legal systems decisions".
I see myself puking at Filmores when I weighed 136 lbs with Kevin watching as I was carried into an ambulance.
I hear the primate screams of Ashley Kelly in 2014 as she watches her beautiful hair disappear from the stress of our circumstances.
I think about Mary Ormsby. The Toronto Star article was a bridge way, way too far considering the previous decade. I actually feel sorry for the person's who thought that was a good next step in the Execution of a Canadian citizen. Everyone has a tipping point that one was it for me.
Anxiety creeps in and so I get up and again scrunch my sleeping bags together and put them behind the shed.
I start walking back to the internet cafe - "maybe its fixed now".
Walking like running is a great meditative outlet and so a little refreshed my thoughts flood back.
Damn forgot to get back to Phil Wilson. My friend was in Toronto for the day. Wanted to meet up. Geez I miss Phil Wilson. What a fabulous person.
How is it that mainstream society care more than people in positions remitted to care?
I think of the email from former Canadian national team player John DisPaquale. Must contact him. A fighter supreme. Soccer field, rugby field, athletic field of any sort, bar room. If you're in a fight you would want John with you. His short email of support illuminated something special about John also. Very bright. With few words he said that he was reading the blogs and emails and then he simply gets it. "I get it".
Later on Frank and I turned what John had written into a perfect hashtag "We get it".
I enter the internet cafe but its still down. I tell the staff working I will sleep in the chairs and wait for him to wake me up.....two hours later he taps me...."you're good to go".....
to be continued.......